Entries for March, 2008



Your average office

Posted on March 24th, 2008
Tags: , Posted in Funny, Work | Comments Off

Offices are a funny thing. You put a bunch of people together who wouldn’t necessarily spend five minutes with in each other outside work, but because you all work in the same building, and therefore office; you’ll spend at least eight hours of your day with them. Each office is guaranteed to have its share of stereotypes. There is the guy that goes out every weekend and then relates his tale to entire office whether they want to know (or care) that he got off with some random person just because he could. You have the girl who is too stupid to comprehend. You couldn’t make up most of the stuff she does and even if you did, she’d have done it! You have the dumb blonde who brings about three bags worth of crap in, including her hair straightners because god forbid, her hair might not be perfect. You have the guy who can’t take a joke, even though he’s a walking one. The office pervert who can make a sexual innuendo out of anything and does; even though he’s married with kids. You have the middle-aged guy who still believes he’s twenty years younger but without the body to match. Then there is you; hoping to god you aren’t any of the above. Instead, you sit quietly in a corner and observe everyone else. You are the type of person who in reality is a little a bit everyone but would never admit to any of it.

So what do you do when you find yourself in an environment such at this? That’s easy. Cause chaos.

Things you should do in an office but not own up to:

1) Superglue all cups, keyboards, pens and important documents to the desk.
2) Secretly set all computer speakers to loud and then send a naughty video/audio clip to them via Messenger.
3) Photocopy a naughty part of your anatomy and then leave random copies of it around the office. Write the name of a colleague who you dislike on it if you wish to give it a more personal touch.
4) Take a screenshot of a computer desktop and then flip it. It will keep idiots confused for ages.
5) Superglue the receiver button on a phone in the office and give it a call. The other person won’t be able to hang up and hopefully the boss will have a go at your colleague for not answering the phone.

By following the five steps above you are guaranteed to be shunned by your colleagues. So what are you waiting for?



My final goodbye

Posted on March 23rd, 2008
Tags: , , , Posted in Life, Work, Writing | Comments Off

Sometimes it takes for you lose something for you to realise what you had. And that couldn’t be more true of when I left my last job. I was glossing over the actual job because of the lovely people I worked with. Since I’ve left I found out that some people there are actually very two faced. I guess in a way I always knew this, I just didn’t pay much attention to it.

I sent out an email just before I left my job. Some may call it cowardly to send it just before I walked out the door. But when you work in a place where no one listens or seems to care what you have to say, or think, there is never a better time, or worse, to have your say. I wanted people to remember how I felt working there. It doesn’t matter if they didn’t agree with me, or didn’t feel the same way. This was my chance to finally say what I wanted. To say how I felt. And the sad thing is, I spoke not only for myself, but for many others. They just never found their voice. This is for them.

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