Entries for May, 2008



Dear Girl 1

Posted on May 28th, 2008
Tags: , , Posted in Funny, Work | Comments Off

Please will you stop being so loud in the office. I can’t bear to hear your voice for a second longer. I don’t and never will, “do you know what I mean.” It’s not a question, so stop saying it at the end of every sentence like someone is going to answer it. Because we don’t know what you mean and don’t care.

I don’t care how crap your boyfriend treats you because you’re silly enough to keep running back to him. You said you left him but in reality you just moved 10 feet down the hall into a flat in the same building. It’s not my problem you keep running into him and he keeps knocking at your door in the middle of the night. That’s the price you pay for not moving far enough away.

I don’t care about your “diet”. You’re just kidding yourself. There are plenty of people who change their eating habits and lose weight. And there are also plenty of people who fail. I don’t mind either of those types. But I hate hypocrtical bitches who moan about being fat and announce to the entire office they are going on a diet, going to the gym and are going to be a size 8 by June (then change it to July and now currently August) and then blantatly do the opposite. Going to Pizza Hut Buffet for all you can eat at lunch isn’t part of any healthy diet I know, so stop complaining when you don’t lose any weight. Because we all know the reason why.

No one actually cares that you are going to watch the Sex and the City film at the cinema this evening. No one actually cares you’ve been excited about this for over a year. And no one fucking cares you are going to get completely pissed afterwards on cocktails. It’s-just-a-film. Get over it. I know more about your crappy life than I’d like to admit. But I don’t have a choice about how much I know, you just blab it all out. So please stop. Or I may have to do some damage control.

Please, please, please – won’t you just shut the fuck up?



Return of the damned

Posted on May 24th, 2008
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At Julians, Malta

I returned from Malta yesterday morning. I’m trying to get everything down as it’s still fresh in my mind, so I apologise if the following post is a little jumbled.

I bought a notebook (as if I need excuse to buy more stationery) before I went away to Malta. I wanted to journal my experience down to paper as it happened rather than trying to remember afterwards. Plus I thought it’d be nice to look back on. It’s always the little things you forget. That notion lasted less than twenty-four hours. I did try, honestly. But the first night of the holiday didn’t go to plan. In fact the flight over was a little annoying because we were sat on the same row as an uncompromisable three year old… I could handle the screaming (it’s nothing a bit of mp3 playing can’t fix) but it was mainly the parents, threatening to smack the boy if he didn’t shut up. No wonder he was crying!

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Girl 1 continued

Posted on May 6th, 2008
Tags: , , , Posted in Funny, Work | Comments Off

Honestly, I should really consider writing a book on girl 1. “How to sound stupid without trying hard” – what do you think of the title?

When I went out for lunch today my colleague told me that Girl 1 was talking about having Ben and Jerry’s for lunch… can I be on that diet, please?

Anyway, back on to the good stuff!

Girl 1: Which bus goes from here to Holborn station?

Girl 2: You don’t need a bus; it’s only round the corner.

Girl 1: I know, but I can’t be arsed.

Whoa, you get Ben and Jerry’s for lunch and do no exercise? What the heck is the name of the diet you’re on, seriously, I want to be on it!

I’m not purposely being mean, honestly, I’m not. If you could just spend a day with her in the office you’d realise how incredibly fickle she is. I can’t stand it when someone says one thing, moans about one thing, complains about one thing and then does the complete opposite. Seriously love, sort yourself out! It’s fucking boring.

BTW, for those who are interested, google maps gives an estimation of a four minute walk from the office to the station… and even then Google over estimate it to compensate for slow walkers (like me!)



The internet and I

Posted on May 5th, 2008
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I was in the shower this evening and started thinking about Sky, you know, the satellite TV provider… It’s a random thing to be thinking of in the shower and to be honest; I really couldn’t give you an answer as to why I was thinking about Sky.

Nonetheless, it occurred to me that I’ve been through the majority of my life without Sky. In fact, up until the age of nineteen, I survived on four channels (channel five was a pain in the arse where I lived). Then one day, my mother decided to buy me a Freeview box as a Christmas present and suddenly I had about thirty or so channels (if the weather was good, not often in the UK). The first four channels had good quality pictures and I wondered why I never thought about getting a Freeview box earlier. Then I met up with Paul at nineteen and when we moved in together, I finally upgraded and got television through my internet connection (Homechoice – it’s a lot better than it sounds) – which I loved for their BBC 7 day memory thingy.

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