Please will you stop being so loud in the office. I can’t bear to hear your voice for a second longer. I don’t and never will, “do you know what I mean.” It’s not a question, so stop saying it at the end of every sentence like someone is going to answer it. Because we don’t know what you mean and don’t care.
I don’t care how crap your boyfriend treats you because you’re silly enough to keep running back to him. You said you left him but in reality you just moved 10 feet down the hall into a flat in the same building. It’s not my problem you keep running into him and he keeps knocking at your door in the middle of the night. That’s the price you pay for not moving far enough away.
I don’t care about your “diet”. You’re just kidding yourself. There are plenty of people who change their eating habits and lose weight. And there are also plenty of people who fail. I don’t mind either of those types. But I hate hypocrtical bitches who moan about being fat and announce to the entire office they are going on a diet, going to the gym and are going to be a size 8 by June (then change it to July and now currently August) and then blantatly do the opposite. Going to Pizza Hut Buffet for all you can eat at lunch isn’t part of any healthy diet I know, so stop complaining when you don’t lose any weight. Because we all know the reason why.
No one actually cares that you are going to watch the Sex and the City film at the cinema this evening. No one actually cares you’ve been excited about this for over a year. And no one fucking cares you are going to get completely pissed afterwards on cocktails. It’s-just-a-film. Get over it. I know more about your crappy life than I’d like to admit. But I don’t have a choice about how much I know, you just blab it all out. So please stop. Or I may have to do some damage control.
Please, please, please – won’t you just shut the fuck up?