I feel I need to explain my Twitter update, where I advised against buying socks as a gift. Socks in themselves are ok; they keep your feet dry and they come in a variety of colours (and flavours depending on how much you walk and therefore sweat). Socks are useful. Yes they are. In fact, I remember my old boss telling me that he can’t wear a pair of socks more than once because they lose that, what do you call it, Socky-ness?
There’s definitely a constant demand for socks (as demonstrated by my, quite clearly, sensitive footed ex-manager). So why are they a no-no as gifts? Let me take you back a few hours and all shall become clear.
I left for work this morning, (first day in fact!) except, it all went horribly wrong and it turns out, I can’t start today. Or tomorrow, or the day after. Not until November. Instead, I had to go all the way across London, to Finchley and meet up with the person who did my reference, and get them to change a measly date (which is stopping me from working!) as it was incorrect on a form… but that’s a story for another time.
I braved the very scary Northern Line (how many different branches does one line need?!) and sat as most Londoners do, ignoring my fellow commuters and staring at a forty-five degree angle, to a point just above their heads. I read, re-read and re-re-read the advertisements along the tube wall, several times, until I couldn’t take it anymore. In the end, I changed seats and continued to read the ads on the opposite side of the carriage. Just for the hell of it.
And here comes the crux of my story. There was an ad, imploring the Superficial London Commuter to buy a good gift, as opposed to (I assume) a bad one. This Christmas (or any other time of year, its just gifts + Christmas = good publicity) why not send a gift to someone in need? Enter Good Gifts – the concept, a pretty good one if I’m honest. You spend money on buying a cow, for say, someone who needs a cow; £95 if anyone is interested. Or fresh water, for people that like to drink fresh water. BUT! It was their marketing campaign that made me laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
Once you buy a “good gift” and pretend to be a little less selfish than you really are, you’re sent a Christmas card. On the front of the card is a Christmas tree with little presents that doubles up as an advent calendar. Behind each present is a really “good gift”. Their examples of good gifts? Medicine for the sick and food for the hungry. All great gifts. Yes, really good gifts (no sarcasm here). But then I read on. Socks for the homeless. Socks for the homeless? Huh? Are you for real?
A really good gift would be a house, a room for the night, a blanket, a home. Not a fucking pair of socks. That’s a bad gift, a baaaad gift.
So now you know. Socks are bad. Houses are better. I thank you.