Carlos
The airport is a trove of lost treasures. It was only last week I found a half eaten sandwich – barely a day old.
I kid, I kid.
It was actually a week out of date.
But yesterday I found something much better than a smelly sandwich. It was a note, a card in fact. Written to a very sexy, handsome (her words, not mine) Spaniard named Carlos.
If you don’t believe me, just enlarge the picture on the left and read for yourself.
You must be wondering why then, I had such a card in my possession. I am not, after all, a sexy, handsome Spaniard named Carlos. Far from it. But a card I had. And it got me thinking. If this Carlos really appreciated Gloria’s heartfelt (if a slab too much cheddar) words, then why was the card tossed by the bin with less care than you’d find in an old people’s home?
I mean, he couldn’t even be bothered to get it in the bin, shows how much he thought of her.
And what’s with the name Gloria? Do you know anyone with the name Gloria who’s under the age of sixty? Because I sure as hell don’t.
So I put two and two together. And instead of making four, or even a funny five – I simply made a funny.
Of course! Gloria really is a sixty year old woman. She’s probably from Cornwall, hence the title of this post. And Carlos really is a sexy, handsome Spaniard. Only he’s leaving the country now isn’t he? He doesn’t want to be reminded of his holiday fling abroad in the chilly isles of the UK with a tea drinking, hair-curler wearing, shortcake eating, Gloria, does he?
So he left the card and Gloria’s heart on the floor.
Well Gloria, you didn’t make Carlos’ day, but you certainly made mine.
Now, if I could only find a fiver next time…
Aww, poor Gloria – from the fact that you found the card, I can only assume she didn’t get her sexy Spaniard.
The hopeless romantic in me is gutted for her… Perhaps next year, she’ll find Vasos (a gorgeous Greek) who’ll whisk her off her feet, instead. 
– or –
Travelling alone due to a sick relative, Carlos had to part ways with a beautiful English girl. As he passes through security with nothing on his mind but her, something shows up on the X-Ray… Security staff take him to one side and start searching his hand luggage. Inside they find a pair of scissors cellotaped to a scented envelope. He obediently hands the scissors in for disposal but keeps the note. A few seconds pass after he finishes reading, and completely confused he receives a tap on his shoulder. Carlos turns around to see Gloria, out of breath from running in a gorgeous red flowing dress… and a suitcase. In a moment of passion the card is dropped as they embrace signalling the start of a wonderful and fulfilling life together in Spain…
– or –
The card is dropped when he realises his stalker Gloria found out he was trying to escape the country and ran as fast as he could away before she caught him (only to get shot in the head several times by police thinking he looked a bit foreign…)
– or –
Gloria was his pet dog, the card was attached to the dog’s body as his ex-wife brought the mangled corpse still attached to her front bumber into the airport. She always was that little bit spiteful…