That transitional point in a new relationship when it’s a certain time of the month and you have nothing on you… and you ask him to please go pick up the essential missing item.
Yup. I think we’re out of the honeymoon period.
Pun intended.
Entries for the ‘Funny’ Category
I’m in love
So I’m in love. Completely. And it’s not reciprocated. Or at least only on some level. When I open the drawer and get out a fork to dish out his food. That’s when he loves me. That’s when I’m his best friend. That’s when he rubs himself lovingly between my ankles.
Logan.
I let him out for the first time the other day. I wanted to keep him inside for as long as I could for several reasons: he hadn’t been neutered yet and was still only a kitten. Not to mention I didn’t actually own the garden despite living on the ground floor. And in all honesty, I didn’t want him to turn all tom cat and forget about me. But after getting him neutered, I had a change of heart.
I remember opening the window for him to go out for the first time, tentative little paw steps until he’d touched one down on the other side, the rest of the paws followed. He stood up on his back legs and sniffed in the air. He looked back at me, waiting for reassurance. He went a little further up some steps, then turned back again, looking right at me.
It’s okay little one. Off you go. Just don’t forget me when you’re out doing what cats do.
He’d gone further still, all the way to the top and then – out of sight.
I admit, panic swelled within me, I let out a little sob to ease the pressure. That was it. He was gone. I called out his name and his little head poked around the corner. It was then I knew he’d be alright.
See, Logan is smart. He knows no matter what he does outside, he’ll always have a nice warm bed to come back to at night. There will always be someone to stroke his fur. There will always be someone to play fetch with him.
And he knows there will always be a cup of tea waiting for him on the table.
Logan is definitely my cat.
Meet Logan.
One minute he’s all like… I’m a cute, sleepy kitty…
And then he’s like… I’ll kill you.
Meet Logan. My kitten. Mini Tiger.
I don’t like to wonder why I am single.
Posted on July 5th, 2011
Tags: Dating, Funny, Life, Not for Dad, Rambling, Shame Posted in Funny, Life | 4 Comments »
Tags: Dating, Funny, Life, Not for Dad, Rambling, Shame Posted in Funny, Life | 4 Comments »
Sitting on the floor of my new bedroom this evening (sort of an oxymoron, it’s new for me but it’s a really old cottage) I was found sorting through many years worth of knickers. With a lack of furniture to utilise (it’s hard trying to make a small bedroom worth of stuff fill an entire unfurnished flat) I decided that if I’m forced for a little while to hide my undergarments in my divan bed drawers, I might as well do it properly.
There I sat, teacup to hand whilst I proceeded to fold my knickers and file away accordingly. In the end, I found myself with four piles of knickers. Well five if you include the ones bound for the bin.
The first pile contained knickers that I would willingly remove clothing for in order to be seen, i.e. when things are going well on a date. These are the fancy, sometimes frilly, sometimes not, knickers which usually belong to a matching bra somewhere.
The second lot consisted of stuff I wouldn’t mind being caught wearing if say, I was knocked over by a granny on her zimmer car and was rushed to hospital with a fractured pelvis. Thus the (hopefully!) cute doctor was then forced to remove my clothing to assess the damage.
You can see I’ve given this a lot of thought.
The third pile was home to knickers only suitable for that time of the month. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t purposely buy knickers just for that occasion, it’s just when my underwear become a little threadbare, or god-forbid –whispers- stained, they get relegated to pile three. It’s sort of like a hierarchy of pants.
One becomes two and two eventually becomes three. It’s just the order of things.
So what, must you be wondering, is in pile four?
Underwear that is too good to be used for that time of the month, but not good enough to show on a date or even to an unsuspecting doctor!
Do you see how complicated my life is? And this is only my underwear drawer.
Pile four contains, amongst other things, a Christmas themed pair of Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog knickers. The material is thick. They cover more skin than I’d like to admit to. Sometimes I wear them to bed under my equally hideous pyjamas.
I don’t like to wonder why I am single.
I slipped down a quiet side street off of Times Square and rolled into the first dodgiest pizzeria I happened to come across.
Posted on June 18th, 2011
Tags: Funny, Holiday, Life, Rambling, Travelbug Posted in Funny, Life | Comments Off
Tags: Funny, Holiday, Life, Rambling, Travelbug Posted in Funny, Life | Comments Off
How do you spot a first timer in New York City? Easy. They’re the ones constantly looking up in wonderment at the towering buildings that fill the view of the sky. Either that or they’re busy getting mugged.
A few months ago I was dancing wildly under the full moon in the Sahara desert. Now I found myself in the sprawling metropolis that is New York City. They couldn’t have been more different.
Growing up in London I thought New York wouldn’t have that much of an effect on me. I was wrong.
Much like when I visited Rome last year, I spent my first night in the Big Apple exploring the city with nothing but a notebook and a bottle of water in my bag. I didn’t even have a map this time, not that I needed it; what with the streets being arranged by numbers: 5th Street was next to 6th Street and so on. I could count.
I remember coming out of my hotel on the first night and turning the corner… and squinting. I was greeted to the bright lights of Times Square. My face lit up. Not because I had a million worth of watts shining down on me but because I’d made it to New York City.
And I made it without managing to eat once on my eight-hour bus journey over from Montreal. My first port of call was to eat something. The sights and sounds of the city could bloody well wait for my stomach to stop growling, thank you very much.