Edit: Case closed. I think we all know who got the last laugh eh?

Fuck me; I had an ex-work colleague contact me this afternoon about my Girl 1 blog series. I only shared an office with her for months so god only knows why she has decided to contact me about them now. I’ve left her lovely message unedited in all its shit spelling, bastardised English and  badly punctuated (un)glory; it’s posted below. Call her? I wouldn’t waste my free minutes…

Roffles.

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Subject: Khan

From: Aysha aysha_harrietellis@hotmail.co.uk

Date: Tuesday 12th August 2008, 12:13pm

Ok…let me get something straight with you, you obese skank, it aint my problem your so self concious that you had to take it upon yourself to slate me…..!!!! you got something to say here’s my number – 07973 268 310 call me and we’ll meet up and i’ll deal with you face to face like women should…..!!! you are one sad chick!! and to be frank you wanna be going on about my wieght….HA…..have you looked in the mirror lately or are you just blind???!!!! cause i tell you what you are NOTHING compared to me and i am SURE any sane man including your man would say the same thing!!! dont push me girl cause i will find you and smash that fat cellulite face and body of your in!!!!!you are a joke…is this what your life consists of,LMAO,…get a fucking life!! and i know you couldnt resist as i am so fucking perfect SKANK!!!!!!!!

Edit: It seems she can’t keep away from me on Facebook either.

Aysha Khan: Hi Skank……did you get my message on your sad excuse for a site???!!!

Tracy Casebere: Maybe. http://www.teesee.co.uk/2008/08/roffles/

Aysha Khan: LMAO…wouldnt waste your minutes more like you wouldnt be able to handle me smashing your face in……..http://www.weightwatchers.co.uk/Util/lnd/index_39v_nd.aspx site link for weight watchers…….LMAO…..HA HA HA…..!!!!! good luck hunny!!!! lol
you choldish mindless shit dont bother me……it shows just how much of an impact i made on you…..if ever i see you on the street you have my word………i’ll be walking away with a smile!!! you know nothing about me…..and you will get to know the real me know…..you message me back taking the piss all you want…to be underestimated is the best thing i could expect!!!!

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*Yawn*.

Girl 1: I need to loose weight.

Boy 1: Seriously, if you want to loose weight, go for a bloody run.

Girl 1: {Goes on about using an exercise ball for a few moments}

Boy 1: You’re driving me nuts. I’ll buy you some trainers.

Hahaha. Stupid girl. Men don’t like you keeping on. And neither do I.

I was sitting in my corner of the office today and again overheard a golden nugget from the girl whose boyfriend dumped her because she didn’t have sex with him (although she since swears he dumped her because she’s put on weight, apparently…).

Girl 1: [to Boy 1] “You didn’t bring me back any food?”

Boy 1: “No I didn’t. Aren’t you supposed to be looking after your figure anyway?”

[I recoil in horror at hearing this. You do not remind Girl 1 about her figure, she will bite.]

Girl 1: “Well I am but It’s not working is it?”

[Duh, the amount of crisps and chocolate I see you eat at your desk isn't exactly helping is it?]

Girl 1: “But don’t you think I’ve slimmed down, just a little bit?!”

Boy 1 looks at Girl 1 critically and then proclaims: “No.”

Girl 1: “No? What do you mean no?”

Boy 1: “I mean no. I see you every day don’t I? How am I supposed to tell if you’ve slimmed down?”

Silly woman. She eats because she’s upset about her boyfriend (and just eats a lot in general) and then complains that her boyfriend calls her fat… vicious cycle. No wonder you don’t hear men going on about this stuff. They don’t eat when they get depressed, they drink!

Girl 1: I’m so pissed off with my friend, she has shrunk my tops and clothes.

If you say so…

Girl 2: Don’t worry, you’ll be able to fit into them in no time now you’ve joined the gym.

Girl 1: Yeah true, but it’s making my boobs burst out of my top. Look when I raise my arms.

Girl 1 proceeds to lift her arms up and stick her boobs out. I don’t look because quite frankly, I’d rather keep my lunch down. But the new guy manages to see what she’s talking about and I’m pretty sure that was the whole idea.

Girl 1: They’re huge.

Yes love, they are. Shame your IQ isn’t.

Girl 1: I bought Sex and the City on pirate DVD the other day and watched it five times.

Boy 2: {splutters} Five times?!

Girl 1: Yeah. And? I was bored.

No love, you are deranged. Five times in one day? You’ve already seen it at the cinema.

I thought the Sex and the City phase was over :( But she’s still talking about it. Kill me. Kill me now.