Entries Tagged ‘Holiday’



I slipped down a quiet side street off of Times Square and rolled into the first dodgiest pizzeria I happened to come across.

How do you spot a first timer in New York City? Easy. They’re the ones constantly looking up in wonderment at the towering buildings that fill the view of the sky. Either that or they’re busy getting mugged.

A few months ago I was dancing wildly under the full moon in the Sahara desert. Now I found myself in the sprawling metropolis that is New York City. They couldn’t have been more different.

Growing up in London I thought New York wouldn’t have that much of an effect on me. I was wrong.

Much like when I visited Rome last year, I spent my first night in the Big Apple exploring the city with nothing but a notebook and a bottle of water in my bag. I didn’t even have a map this time, not that I needed it; what with the streets being arranged by numbers: 5th Street was next to 6th Street and so on. I could count.

I remember coming out of my hotel on the first night and turning the corner… and squinting. I was greeted to the bright lights of Times Square. My face lit up. Not because I had a million worth of watts shining down on me but because I’d made it to New York City.

And I made it without managing to eat once on my eight-hour bus journey over from Montreal. My first port of call was to eat something. The sights and sounds of the city could bloody well wait for my stomach to stop growling, thank you very much.

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It called out to me like a working girl flaunting her wears.

Like most people who travel to far and distant lands, I made a list of things I wanted to do. The top most important must-do-thing on my list was to buy a travelling hat. I did consider buying a suitable one before even leaving London, but then it wouldn’t be a travelling hat, it’d just be a hat. And believe me, there is a difference.

A travelling hat is something you buy on your travels, and usually on a whim. It’s hopefully atrocious and fashionable in somewhere only like Bulgaria where corduroy hasn’t yet been invented.

Walking down a quiet residential street today in Montreal, I happened to cross a Salvation Army shop – full to the rafters of other people’s unwanted junk. I had a very good feeling. The hairs on the back of my arms stood up, and I’m sure if I could feel my nipples through the mountain of padding, I would have felt them pop out too.

I entered the shop and was greeted by a jumble of second hand clothing and the undeniable tang of that clothing once upon a time, living on someone else’s skin. It was like walking into a Lush shop but instead of the sickly sweet man-made smell of soap, I was assaulted by the sickly odour of old-man.

My eyes travelled over the myriad of gaudy shirts and something-even-your-dad-wouldn’t-wear trousers, when I saw it: the hat stand.

It called out to me like a working girl flaunting her wears. I had to have something from her. Tentatively my hand reached out and stroked one of the goods; soft, green corduroy caressed my finger tips. On the top of the hat was a single button.

Twee is the only word I can think of to describe it. I imagine its original owner being a fifty-six year old man with a penchant for fishing and drinking beer straight from the can, his naked, hairy toes swishing about languidly in the waters of which he is fishing from. This is the look I wanted.

Before I knew it, I had the hat on my head and was busy admiring the mess in the mirror.

It was perfect. Suitable for featuring in one of my many LOOK AT ME photos which you take whilst on holiday.

Approaching the sales register, I placed the abomination on the top of the counter and waited to find out the price: $2.

Yes, I actually paid for the opportunity of catching headlice from a second hand hat.

As Madness once sang, it must be love.



It’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever agreed to do

I appear to be on the precipice of a situation in which I find myself willingly falling towards; gravity has no power over me, I am in fact choosing to meet the ground face on – teeth first.

What the hell am I talking about?

You know when you meet someone amazing? Someone who completes you when you already feel whole? Someone who inspires you enough to end all sentences with a question mark, simply because using a full stop would mean putting a premature end to describing their awesomeness?

I’ve found that person in the most unexpected of places.

In between the bookshelves at work; with messy brown hair and glasses so officiously large, if they were to carry a wand around with them, they’d very well be mistaken for Harry Potter. Or a bit of twat.

No, I haven’t just discovered the literary delights of a certain JK Rowling. I did in fact discover those many years ago.

Instead, I have found something, or rather, someone, who I have decided is worth giving up my job for and eloping to Canada with. I won’t mention at this point that them kissing the place just behind my ear would induce me to act in similar, irrational ways. That’s just not important.

And yes, it’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever agreed to do (except for maybe that perm I had about six years ago) but I know it’s the right thing to do, because even when the fear of giving up a perfectly reasonable job eats away at me like a bout of terminal cancer, I know that I’ll be okay.

I know that whatever absurd, embarrassing, I’m-going-to-die-of-shame moments that will undoubtedly come my way in the following weeks, I know they will be shared in the best possible company.

I know that when I find myself back in London, jobless and with no money having spent it all gallivanting around Northern America with nothing but someone else’s clothes on my back – I know it will all be okay.

And even if it won’t be, I’m sure I’ll have a hell of time getting to that point of: Where did it all go wrong?

My only concern will be, when can we do it again?



When in Rome…

Most of you probably don’t know this, but I went to Rome at the end of the June. And instead of writing a big old blog post about it, describing my experiences in hilaric (a real word, I’ll have you know) detail and what not, I’ve managed to do everything but that. My intention this evening was to finally write an amazing, funny piece on my travels to Rome, sharing with you the stories of my life for that one week I did something different. Instead I ended up wasting my entire evening by adding a bunch of older blog posts from the last three years to this archive, thus making me focus on him just enough to shift my writing from humour, to wallow.

That’s procrastination at its most basic.

I can’t write about my trip to Rome, it simply won’t flow. In fact the only thing that did flow in Rome was the wine and the tears. The tears first obviously, then I soaked them up with the wine.

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Something in the air tonight

It’s just gone one in the morning, I’m sitting on a balcony six storeys high in Vancouver; stealing wifi from somebody to get online and below is a medley of noise. People are screaming and shouting, car alarms are going off and everyone seems to be doing something. This town never sleeps. I was up at five in the morning yesterday and there were still lots of people about.

Honestly, Vancouver is nothing like I expected it to be and I mean that in the nicest way. Yes, the town has its flaws; just go downtown to Hastings and everywhere you look you’ll see a crack head jacking up in the alleyways or some woman selling her body. The street stinks of piss and you really can’t believe just a few feet away is a beautiful backdrop of mountains and sea.

But the city also has another side. Amazing high-rise buildings, beautiful views of mountains, forests, lakes and wildlife. The two sides coexist and it’s an incredible sight. I can understand why people don’t want to leave once they arrive. It’s a world away from London yet utterly similar at the same time.

I’ve learnt something profound since I’ve been here. I’ve been put in situations I haven’t been a hundred percent comfortable in but enjoyed once I put my fears aside; I’ve met family I’d never known before, I’ve learnt so much more about my own family which has been very emotional for me for a number of reasons; and I’ve discovered the joy of living for the moment. Which is a foreign concept to me as I’ve always thought about the future and an awful lot about the past.

I’m here, right now, sitting outdoors in a country I’m not familiar with, all by myself and loving every second. Nothing is impossible for me at this moment and all I have to do is believe. The air is filled with possibility and all I have to do is breathe it in and live.

British Columbia really is a beautiful country.